If I Won 10 Million Dollars Essay

...some knowledge and wisdom, even though he or she suffers defeat and often death. “Beyond his silence, there is a past. Beyond her dreams, there is a feeling. Beyond hope there is a memory. Beyond their journey, there is a love” From MillionDollar Baby. MillionDollar Baby directed by Clint Eastwood is a story about a girl, Maggie who wants desperately to be a fighter, but she only wants to be trained by the best trainer around, Frankie. She succeeds in persuading him to train her and goes on to be a magnificent fighter. MillionDollar Baby is a tragedy because the heroine, Maggie embraces the definition of a tragedy. MillionDollar Baby is a tragedy because Maggie fits the first part of the definition, she is courageous and dignified. After being punched in the eye and not being able to see out of her eye, her coach, Frankie asks her “How many eyes do you need to finish this fight?” she simply replies “One’s enough.” Maggie should have been done, fighting with one’s eye messes up ones balance, peripheral vision, plus she couldn’t see. But instead of sitting down and being done she was courageous and keep going, winning her fight. A couple fights later Maggie faces her toughest competitor yet, she says to her coach, “She’s tough, I cant go inside, I cant get close enough to hit her” her coach says “You know why that...

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#1 (permalink) Wed Dec 18, 2013 9:31 am   If you won a lottery, What would you do? Please help me to correct and rate it. 

Topic. What would you do if you won the lottery? Use specific reason to support your answer.

At the moment I have several intentions to implement. However, I could not do them without money so I hope to win the lottery to realize my dream. If I won a lot of money, owing to winning the lottery, I would buy a lot of English books, give some to my parents, and raise fun for charity.

Firstly, I would spend amount of money from winning the lottery to buy English books. At present I am learning English and I know that the more I learn and read books in English, the better I will become. Moreover, reading stories in English is my hobby when I have free time. I also like to collect books to make a fine collection in my bookshelf. Therefore, whenever have any chances I would make use of to buy books.
Secondly, with a lot of money from winning the lottery, I could help my parents to reduce a lot of difficulties at the present. My parents have worked hard for us to have a chance to go to the school like others in the village so we always live in lacking money condition. Up to now, my younger sister and I are still students at university. We have used a great deal of money of my parents. Thus I would like to bestow my parents some to show my love and gratefulness to them for their hardness to grow us up and give us an opportunity to feel equal to my friends and others.

Last but not least, in my neighborhood there are many people who are living in an extremely poor condition such as the handicapped, the old and alone, the homeless. All of them do not have enough food to eat and do not have a stable house to live. Therefore, I prefer to spend an amount of money raising the fund together with my friends and some donators to help them have a house to live and use these money to create works for them that will help them have chances to work to earn for their own living. For the handicapped, the old and alone, I would send them to sanatoriums and use money to hire someone to take of them.

Winning the lottery is the hope of a lot of people; however, how to use them is depend on each person. As I said above, if I had the chance to get the special prize in a lottery, I would use them to help my parents, to buy English books, and to help the unlucky people.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main difference between a fad and a trend?
Tuyet8
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Posts: 750
Location: Vietnam
#2 (permalink) Thu Dec 19, 2013 4:51 am   Re: If you won a lottery, What would you do? Please help me to correct and rate i 

This was an interesting essay as there just was a big lottery in the US - the total jackpot was 648 million dollars. I never play the lottery though because the odds are so bad. Anyway, back to your essay, which was pretty good. Your answers were relevant and addressed the prompt well. Your writing was generally clear apart from a few vague phrases. You did have some awkward sounding sentences though and some grammatical errors. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Tuyet8 wrote:
Topic. What would you do if you won the lottery? Use specific reason to support your answer.

At the moment I have several intentions to implement.{"intentions to implement" sounds a little stilted} However, I could not do them without money[,] so I hope to win the lottery to realize my dream. If I won a lot of money[from] winning the lottery, I would buy a lot of English books, give some to my parents, and raise fun[ds] for charity.

Firstly, I would spend [some of the] money from winning the lottery to buy English books. At present I am learning English and I know that the more I learn and read books in English, the better I will become. Moreover, reading stories in English is my hobby when I have free time. I also like to collect books to make a fine collection [ o]n my bookshelf. Therefore, whenever have any [extra funds] I would make use of [them] to buy books.
Secondly, with a lot of money from winning the lottery, I could help my parents to reduce a lot of {try to avoid the repetition of "a lot of"} difficulties at the present. My parents have worked hard for us to have a chance to go to school like others in the village so we always live in [a condition where money is scarce] . Up to now,{"up to now" is used when something is soon going to change - "up to now, we have been students at university together, but this Spring I will graduate"} my younger sister and I are still students at university. We have used a great deal of [our parents'] money . Thus I would like to bestow [upon] my parents some [gifts] to show my love and gratefulness to them for their [fortitude] to [raise us] and give us an opportunity to feel equal to my{"our" is better here} friends and others.

Last but not least, in my neighborhood there are many people who are living in an extremely poor condition such as the handicapped, the old and alone, the homeless. All of them do not have enough food to eat and do not have a stable house [in which] to live. Therefore, I prefer to spend an amount of money raising the fund[s ] together with my friends and some don[ors] to help them have a house to live [in] and use th[is] money to create workfor them that will help them have chances to work to earn their own living. For the handicapped, the old and alone, I would send them to sanatoriums {in the US this is usually used for a place where mentally ill people are kept, but it is ok in the UK} and use [some of] money to hire someone to take of them.

Winning the lottery is the hope of a lot of people; however, how to use the[ winnings] depend[s ] on each person. As I said above, if I had the chance to get the special prize in a lottery, I would use [it] to help my parents, to buy English books, and to help the unlucky people.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main difference between a fad and a trend?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8638
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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