(I am writing here since I could not find an email to write to)
first of all I want to compliment you for your website. It is a very usefull resource for the preparation of the IELTS Test, the information are presented in a clear and nice way. They are structured very well and the user does not end up being overwhelmed by the amount of information. This is a very important point -at least to me-, because reading your site had the result of calming me me and improve my self confidence for the exam. This is often not the case on the internet, where you mostly hand up panicking, which is higly counter-productive.
Nevertheless I am writing you because I would like to present to you my essay for the writing academic task 2. I would really like to have a feedback from you, because unfortunately I can’t find no one to correct me one and I would like to have an opinion before I take the exam (which is in 7 days: unfortunately I have found your website late 🙁 ). I am not asking you to correct every mistake, just to read it once and give me your impression and maybe the main points that I have to be careful about in the test (the first being word number: by rewriting to the computer I have just seen a lot of mistakes that I could have corrected if I had the time, thing which I haven’t). If it possible can you say to me around band score I am? Or, is this essay enough good for a minimum band score of 5.5?
I am really looking forward to read an answer from you and I thank you in advance for your courtesy.
Writing task 2
Write about the following topic:
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour.
What do you think ar the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
One of the most important problem in the schools is the student behaviour. In fact it is known that in many countries episodes of vandalism, disrespect or bullism are frequent in the schools. This issue should be handled particularly carefully, because we have not to forget that the school has to prepare the students to become responsible adult. It is therefore very important to individuate the causes and the possible solutions to be applied, in order for the school to fullfill its educational role in the best way.
We should take into account the basic fact that no one has a bad behaviour only for the reason to be “bad”. Often those behaviours are the expressions of other, hidden problems. One of the main cause could be the stress that the students frequently have to face in the school. Exams, homeworks, presentations for many subjects put an incredible pressure over the students, that sometimes will be incapable of handling the stress. Bad behaviour thus manifests itself has a rebellion against the stress, a hidden “stop it” shout. Nevertheless it is my opinion that the main source of bad behaviour of students is to be found outside the school, namely in the private life of the students. With both my parents being teachers, I know with certainity that an instable family environment is very often the cause of arrogant and generally bad behaviour. Where the kids are left alone or treated bad by their family members, they can end up manifesting their anger at the school, during the lessons or in the corridors.
Those problems suggest their solutions. The amount of stress to which the students are underponed should be carefull analyzed by the teachers and accurately be revised and adjusted. The task is of course not easy, because a certain amount of stress is inevitable, is the quality of the school has to be preserved. Regarding family problems, it is my firm convinction that child that were raised (or still are) in instable family environment should be followed carefully by expers, such as psyhcologists and pedagogists, and sustained by teachers, in order to allow them to retrieve their happiness and bring their life back on the tracks.
Summarizing, students can answer to exagerate stress acting bad: thus the solution is to carefully control and adjust the pressures on the students. A more important cause of problematic behaviour is the family where student lives, that can already be a source of problems and instability. Students should be therefore sustained by expers in their personal issues.
(you can answer me via email if you want)
I previously wrote about sticking to the same formula of a 4 paragraph structure. Once you practice this approach, it will be very easy to plan and organize your essay when you’ve only got 40 minutes.
For the agree/disagree essay, I think it’s probably easiest to just completely agree or completely disagree because you just need to have 2 reasons to support why.
Remember, the examiner is marking you on how you express, organize and support your ideas. They aren’t judging you on your opinion. As long as it’s logical and cohesive (your argument is supported and your ideas stick together) and written clearly, you will get a higher mark.
You can follow this 4-paragraph structure:
- Introduction– introduce topic and give your clear answer to the task question (I fully agree or disagree with the claim)
- Main Reason #1 why you agree or disagree – give examples and supporting details
- Main Reason #2 why you agree or disagree – give examples and supporting details
- Conclusion – restate your opinion (this is a very short paragraph – probably 1 to 2 sentences)
Here’s an example:
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
My outline of ideas for my essay (not fully written out):
1. Introduction – Write a sentence about the topic, paraphrase the claim and give my opinion – I completely disagree. I think only parents are fully responsible for solving this problem.
2. Main Reason #1
I believe parents are fully responsible for solving this problem.
- main caregiver and spend the most time with their kids
- should be the primary role model of living a healthy lifestyle
- most effective because parents provide child’s food/meals and guidelines for child’s free time and activities
3. Main Reason #2
Schools should not be responsible for solving this problem.
- Schools should focus on academics – reading/writing/maths and science
- Teachers have a relatively small amount of time with each child – they have to worry about a classroom full of 30+ children
- least effective because they don’t provide for the child’s regular diet
4. Conclusion – restate my opinion that I completely disagree and believe that only parents, rather than parents and schools equally, are responsible for changing children’s unhealthy lifestyles.
See my full sample essay for this question here.
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Posted in IELTS Writing, Writing Task 2 Tagged with: IELTS Writing, Writing Task 2